One day, I'll add a "Paintings" section to my website

Because I've been meaning to add a link to the following photo album on there somewhere.

Unicorn Oppression 

I've been painting this series for birthday gifts. Mostly. The first was a Hanukkah white elephant gift, and another was a Christmas gift. Whatever. I would like to get better pictures of most of them. I started scanning them for the last 3, but that just means that I have good scans of 3 of them, and crappy pictures of 7 of them. If you have one of the first 7, you should take a good picture or scan of it for me.

Also, make sure you read the descriptions of the paintings. They can be sort of detailed.

Missed Opportunities

This is why Chris Columbus is a terrible director.

Because The Carpenters aren't in Home Alone 2.

This One Time...

I was watching tv and eating Doritos.

I don't remember what I was watching. It was probably The Simpsons. Whatever it was, I was fully invested, because I wasn't looking at the Doritos I was eating, which tasted fine. After a while, I had a need to look into the bag, to reposition the chips to make access to them easier for the way I was sitting. When I looked I noticed some big, dark crumbs sitting in the bag.

The crumbs were dead ants.

I am Space

In Kindergarten

Every day, in addition to lunch, we had a snack time. Naturally, we were supposed to bring our own snacks, but in case we forgot, the teacher had bags of old stale cereal that we could have. Usually, there was only one kid that always forgot his snack and had to eat the cereal. It was the same kid that would pick off anything that was dried to the bottom of the table. This was usually glue, because I guess as kindergarteners we liked to waste our glue by smearing it onto the tables. I don't know. We would always pick on the kid for doing this and say that he ate the glue and boogers from the tables. It is entirely possible that he did eat the crap he picked off the tables.

This kid was later put into the special needs classes.

As for the daily snacks, I only remember one time where I was forced to eat the stale cereal. I hadn't forgotten my snack. My snack was ruined that day.

At some point during the day, another kid from my class (I have no other memories of this kid from kindergarten, but later had classes with him in seventh grade) decided he wanted my backpack in the bathroom. He grabbed it and started pulling and yelling at me to give it to him. I held on and screamed back that it was mine. After he finally wrestled it from my grasp, he immediately threw it on the ground and jumped on it several times.

My snack that day was going to be graham crackers. One of my favorites. When the other kid repeatedly jumped on my backpack, he crushed the graham crackers into crumbs and busted the plastic bag they were stored in. The small front pouch of my backpack was full of crumbs and I had no snack for the day.

I believe I went crying to the teacher about what happened and she gave me the plastic bag of cereal. I think it might have been apple jacks. I'm not sure. I didn't eat much of it. I wanted my graham crackers, not stale, dry apple jacks.

I don't know or remember why the other kid stomped on my backpack that day. I wonder if I had said or done something to him earlier.